If you were to poll a random sampling of people about the purpose of prison, you’d probably get a wide range of responses, but one common answer you might hear is “rehabilitation.” In theory, someone serving a prison sentence is “paying their debt to society” and, if released, will get the opportunity to start over again on a law-abiding path. At the very least, it certainly sounds nice.

In reality, though, prison does little to rehabilitate offenders and actually makes it incredibly hard for released inmates to get a fresh start due to a number of structural barriers. These structural barriers don’t just affect former inmates, either; studies and interviews show that experiencing violent prison culture leads to higher rates of domestic violence against wives and partners.

Susan Sered, a professor of sociology at Suffolk University in Boston, recently wrote an article for Salonlooking at ways in which the prison system actually makes domestic violence worse. She cited a number of factors, including the violent culture of prisons, former inmates’ frustration over limited options upon their release, and domestic violence victims’ unwillingness to report abusers for fear that their partner will be sent back to prison (or out of fear that they themselves will suffer unintended negative consequences for reporting domestic violence).

Prison Culture Perpetuates Violence

Prison is certainly not a deterrent for violent behavior, as inmates often feel that they have to present an aggressive front in order to avoid becoming victims themselves. As the Restorative Justice Project of the Midcoast reports, “The showing of feelings may be viewed as a sign of weakness which other inmates may exploit to their advantage.” Engaging in violent behavior and repressing emotions may become defense mechanisms.

Many inmates have a hard time adjusting to life outside of prison upon their release and may carry prison’s culture of violence with them. They may have trouble expressing their emotions and may lash out at the people in their lives, especially their partners and/or children. In fact, one large-scale study from Oregon found that 1 in 4 male former inmates engaged in acts of domestic violence against their female partners within the first several years of their release.

Structural Barriers May Leave Former Inmates Reliant on Partners

When offenders are released from prison, they face a number of obstacles to re-entering society—they must cope with the stigma of being a former felon, they may find it incredibly difficult to find a job in the legal economy due to their criminal record, they will be unable to access public or subsidized housing, and their time in an institutionalized setting may leave them unprepared to adjust to day-to-day life outside of prison. Additionally, they may struggle to pay rent, restitution that is part of their sentence, and child support, if they have children.

As a result, many male former inmates end up relying on wives and girlfriends for housing, money, and general support. This places stress on both parties, which often boils over into anger and acts of violence on the part of the former inmate. Exerting dominance through violence may be the ex-prisoner’s misguided outlet for expressing masculinity and control when he is feeling powerless in other areas of his life.

Domestic Violence Victims Face Unintended Consequences of Reporting Abuse

Domestic violence between ex-prisoners and their female partners often, sadly, goes unreported due to the victim’s fears about what will happen if she speaks up. Because domestic violence is a crime, the abuser could go back to prison if the victim reports them. And the victim could also experience serious, unintended consequences—for example, women in public or subsidized housing risk being evicted and losing government benefits, such as food stamps and welfare, if it comes to light that a former prisoner was staying with them. In some cases, women may even lose custody of their children for harboring a former inmate, even if the ex-prisoner is the children’s father.

With all these factors in play, it’s no surprise that prison sentences perpetuate domestic violence, especially in lower-income households – and lower-income individuals are the people who are disproportionately sent to prison! Because of this, it’s important for courts to consider alternatives to prison whenever possible. For example, mandatory anger management classes or counseling sessions and probation might be a better sentence than prison for some people charged with domestic violence. Our justice system needs to focus on solutions that will lead to higher rates of rehabilitation instead of recidivism and increased physical harm to the partners of former offenders.

About the Author: Andrew M. Weisberg is a former felony prosecutor who now serves as a defense attorney in the greater Chicago area. He has extensive experience in handling all types of criminal cases, from sex offenses and violent crimes to theft-related crimes and traffic violations.

There are many factors that may influence couples to stay together, even if they’re in a toxic and potentially dangerous situation. Financial dependence, immigration status, fear of making the situation worse, and fear of losing custody over the kids are all potential reasons that often come up in conversations about domestic violence. There is, however, another reason that isn’t always as clearly articulated: the importance our society places on two-parent households.

Although divorce has become a lot more common and widely accepted than it was 50 years ago, there’s still a stigma around single parents, especially single mothers. In fact, a Pew report from 2010 found that 69% of Americans thought single mothers tasked with raising children on their own were bad for society, while 61% said that a child will be happiest if they have both a mother and a father in their life. Our society’s go-to definition of “family” still involves a household with both a mother and father, and that’s making it harder for people in abusive relationships—especially relationships with the parent of their children—to get out of them.

The “Perfect Family” Image Is Bad for Both Partners in an Abusive Relationship

The pressure to present the image of a “perfect family” hurts both sides in a toxic relationship. In some cases, both partners may become verbally or physically abusive and will continue antagonizing one another rather than separating. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, marital violence often begins with more minor acts, like pushing and shoving, but builds to more serious incidents if left unchecked. Couples’ fights may escalate until a dispute results in someone calling the police, and one or both of them may be arrested on domestic violence charges as a result.

In other cases, there may allegedly be only one abuser, and the victim ignores early “red flags” because he or she doesn’t want to admit that the relationship isn’t working. In these types of situations, stress may continue building for both people, and the person accused of abuse may react to that compounded stress in a way that they never would if they had gotten out of the relationship earlier. The victim may experience physical and emotional suffering as a result, and the person accused of abuse may face life-altering penalties such as steep fines, a protection order, loss of custody, or even prison time as a result of losing his or her temper in the midst of a bad situation.

No Quick Fix to the “Ideal Family” Problem

The best way to approach the issue of domestic violence in our country is to prevent it from happening in the first place, rather than doling out penalties after the fact. Unfortunately, the stigma surrounding single parenting isn’t going to change overnight, and some couples will continue to stay in unhealthy relationships because of this. However, that’s not to say that we can’t push to change the public perspective over time.

Legislators, police, and social workers need to start emphasizing that the safety of both partners is more important than staying together and trying to mend a broken relationship. If there are no warning signs that violence may escalate, couples may be able to work out their differences through counseling, but if there’s any chance that either partner could be in danger, the focus should be on separating rather than trying to fix the relationship. If lawmakers and even ordinary citizens begin stressing this idea of “safety first” in families, we will hopefully see a decrease in the number of domestic violence cases.

About the Author: Andrew M. Weisberg is a former felony prosecutor who now serves as a defense attorney in the greater Chicago area for the Law Offices of Andrew Weisberg. He has extensive experience in handling all types of criminal cases, from sex offenses and violent crimes to theft-related crimes and traffic violations.

The first major misunderstanding is that you can only be charged with domestic violence if you cause physical harm to someone you’re in an intimate relationship with. In reality, the state of Illinois can charge you with domestic violence for non-physical, but emotionally intimidating acts such as verbal threats, destruction of property, and stalking. The second major misunderstanding is that only men can be charged with domestic violence. While it’s true that men are more commonly offenders in domestic violence cases, women can also commit acts of violence in an intimate relationship.

The first step to reducing the national rate of domestic abuse is to increase awareness about situations that aren’t commonly considered instances of domestic violence, such as a woman pushing and yelling at her boyfriend. ManKind Initiative, a British non-profit organization that assists male victims of domestic abuse, recently set out to do just that by releasing a powerful public service video.

Video Reveals Double Standard in Attitudes towards Domestic Abuse

In the video from ManKind Initiative, we first see a heterosexual couple arguing in a crowded public place. The man is yelling at his girlfriend and eventually starts pushing her and cornering her against a fence. Several people on the street immediately step up to put a stop to the altercation and tell the man that if he keeps attacking his girlfriend, they’re going to call the police. It’s the kind of reaction that you would hope to see when a public argument turns violent, because most people in our society recognize that it’s wrong for a man to berate and shove his girlfriend. However, the video then goes on show how the public reacts when the gender roles are reversed.

The scene plays out for a second time on a different crowded street with the same couple, but this time it’s the woman who is yelling and pushing her boyfriend. The reaction, this time, is completely different: none of the witnesses steps in to stop the altercation, and some even smile at the sight of a woman physically intimidating her boyfriend.

This second scene raises an important point: because partner violence against men is less publicized than violence against women, our society generally takes it less seriously or even finds it humorous, and we fail to recognize how serious the problem really is. One in seven adult men in the US has reported being victims of intimate partner violence, according to the Centers for Disease Control—and those are just the men who reported it. Because of the gendered and deeply ingrained expectation that men should be “strong and stoic,” there are most likely many other men who have experienced violence but haven’t reported it out of shame or fear. All this is not meant to minimize violence against women. Rather, it aims to draw attention to the fact that domestic violence is something that affects both men and women, and that it’s important for both men and women to recognize signs of domestic abuse. In addition to physical violence, this may include:

• Possessive or jealous behavior (e.g. monitoring a partner’s emails and phone calls)
• Verbal threats (e.g. an aggressor threatening to take the kids or to tell the police that the victim is actually the one committing acts of domestic abuse)
• Destroying the victims’ possessions, such as a TV or car
• Verbal abuse or humiliation in front of friends, family, or coworkers
• Attempts to isolate the victims from their own friends and family
• Making false allegations to the police about the victim’s behavior

Speak Out against All Domestic Violence

Whether you’re a man, a woman, or don’t identify with a gender, it’s important that you get help if you’re in an abusive relationship. Domestic violence shouldn’t be a gendered issue; it should be something that concerns everyone.

It may seem particularly difficult to get help if you’re a man in a heterosexual relationship and you’re worried that your partner will counter any claims you make with the allegation that you’re, in fact, the aggressor. If your partner does try to level false allegations against you, you may need to work with a domestic violence attorney in order to put together a strong case and reveal the truth. Don’t hesitate to contact the Law Offices of Andrew M. Weisberg; together, we can work to raise awareness and fight domestic violence.

About the Author: Andrew M. Weisberg is a former felony prosecutor who now serves as a defense attorney in the greater Chicago area for the Law Offices of Andrew Weisberg. He has extensive experience in handling all types of criminal cases, from sex offenses and violent crimes to theft-related crimes and traffic violations.

It’s just a bruise – it will soon disappear.

A blackened eye, a twisted arm, facial scrapes, or a chipped tooth, none of these will leave a permanent mark on your appearance. Even the guilt, the shame, and the constant fear you’re living under will eventually pass, as you “realize” his behavior is triggered by a lot of factors he has no control over. Finally, you come to accept that the stress your partner may be under, his childhood traumas, or the way he loves you with all his being (and cannot stand to have another man looking in your direction) may result in an occasional punch in the face.

Maybe you like lying to yourself, or you simply cannot grasp that you’re making excuses for abuse. Perhaps your love – or more likely fear – won’t let you see past the fact that abuse is never acceptable, and you will let it slide, time and again. But your children, the silent witnesses who take part against their will to the arguments and beatings every night, the ones who are then haunted in their dreams and anxious in their lives, they aren’t getting past it as easily.

The Consequences of Abuse

Published in the American Psychological Association journal Psychology of Violence earlier this month, a nationwide study of children who have witnessed instances of domestic violence and abuse revealed that, in more than one-third of cases, parents and caregivers were physically injured, but only 1 in 4 incidents were reported to the police. In fact, says the study, less than 2 percent of all perpetrators ended up in jail.

Domestic violence was also directed towards children in 1 in 75 cases, but while the physical injuries healed, the anxiety and terror remained. Of the 517 children surveyed, among which 4 children saw the violence, 21 percent heard it, and 3 percent observed the injuries later, more than 50 percent of the respondents confessed they were fearful someone will get seriously hurt, while 2 in 5 said the violence was the most terrifying experience they had ever lived.

From the Domestic Violence Roundtable, an online portal dedicated to fighting against domestic violence and abuse, we learn that children are severely impacted by their parents abusing each other. And even though they are rarely the direct recipients of violence, they may carry internal wounds that may never fully heal:

“Children who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their mother for triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation.”

Effects of Violence Extend Well into Adulthood

Witnessing violence at home is not something a child can easily forget. On the contrary, most violent incidents will potentially lead children to develop a wide range of age-dependent negative effects. Regarding the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional impact of violence on children, research has demonstrated that victims are often at a greater risk to develop anxiety, depression (internal behaviors) or engage in fighting, lying, or cheating (external behaviors). They may act more rebellious and disobedient towards authority and may perform poorly in school, not to mention they will encounter great difficulties establishing future social relationships.

The UNICEF report “Behind Closed Doors: The Impact of Domestic Violence on Children” has analyzed the long-term wounds children of abuse carry well into their adult lives. Some of the most important findings of the report include:

• Domestic violence can rapidly turn into child abuse.
• Abused children may become abusers themselves.
• As they grow, children may display poor performance in school, have concentration and focus problems, and have difficulties interacting with their peers.
• Children of abuse are more exposed to teen pregnancy, substance and alcohol abuse, and criminal behavior.
• Social development of abused children may also be damaged, as they exhibit signs of violent behavior more often than non-abused children. Among people, they may feel uncomfortable and confused, gradually losing the ability to connect with others.

Are We Still Far from the Truth of Domestic Abuse?

Fortunately, few people today still share the antiquated views and preconceived ideas describing domestic violence either as rare or affecting only a small percentage of the population, caused primarily by alcohol, and more prevalent in poor, uneducated, minority families. Some of the myths even state that men have the right to discipline and control their partners, and battery or physical abuse are not even a crime, as long as it doesn’t result in the death of the abused. Men are men, so they’re entitled to treat their personal property – be it spouses and children – the way they want.

One by one, these myths have been debunked by extensive research conducted over the past couple of decades. For instance, several national studies have estimated that the real number of beaten women each year in the US surpasses 3 million. Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for females ages 15 to 44, and the FBI estimates that one domestic violence incident takes place every 15 seconds. Unfortunately, abuse doesn’t stop at causing injury: 1,500 women are murdered every year by their intimate partner as a result of domestic violence.

Another stereotype contradicted by recent studies is the one that battering and abuse occurs more often in low-income or minority families. Previous studies of domestic violence, as well as the one above conducted by The University of South, revealed that abuse happens across all age groups, religions, minorities, and social status. It was found that 28 percent of domestic abuse happens in households with incomes under $20,000, while similar percentages – 30 percent, 18 percent, and 24 percent – occur in households with incomes of $20,000-$50,000, $50,000-$75,000, and over $75,000, respectively.

To grow into responsible, sane, and happy adults, children need to live in a safe and secure environment. As members of the community and parents, it is our duty and mission to ensure children’s worlds are not turned upside down by violence. And when it does happen, we need to encourage them to speak and break the silence, hoping that it will raise awareness and help in the creation of policies that protect them and address the impact of violence in their homes.

About the Author Andrew M. Weisberg is a criminal defense attorney in Chicago, Illinois. A former prosecutor in Cook County, Mr. Weisberg,is a member of the Capital Litigation Trial Bar, an elite group of criminal attorneys who are certified by the Illinois Supreme Court to try death penalty cases. He is also a member of the Federal Trial Bar. Mr. Weisberg is a sole practitioner at the Law Offices of Andrew M. Weisberg.